Battling the big C (cancer) in the middle of the pandemic C (covid-19) has been financially and logistically more difficult.
I was burdened of being a burden to my family. They had to make more sacrifices for my treatments. When I opened to my sister the heaviness I felt in my heart, she simply answered that I don't have to carry such weight because if it was another family member who got sick, we would be making the same sacrifices. True. I would have done everything in my power to keep my loved one alive. I guess I find it hard to be at the receiving end. And in this season, I learned just that - to be a receiver, to acknowledge my dependence and need of God and of others.
On April 14, I had a PET CT. It was a day after my cancerversary, exactly 2 years since I found a tumor in my chest.
The next day, I woke up with a message from my oncologist that says, "Your PET looks good!" I hastily opened my hospital account and looked for the scan result.
It says no evidence of disease (NED). I am on remission! I have completely responded to treatment - 2 years of continuous treatments, of various cocktails of poisons!
But the battle is not over.
I still need an allogeneic stem cell transplant, which we hope would keep me on remission for many, many years. And a transplant is a whole new battle itself.
High-dose Chemotherapy. Total Body Irradiation. It is going to be a bloody fight, but I am going to give it my best fight.
On May 4, I was tested for covid-19.
I am negative for covid-19.
As I near another long hospital stay, I remind myself to let go of the need to know and the desire to be in control. I repeat that God is the only One who is all-knowing and in total control. I must rest in His goodness.
I tell myself, "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." (Psalm 118:17)